


Taco Sauce is NOT a Lubricant

by fremen_wali



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Marvel, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Spider-Man (Movieverse), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: AU, Crack, Humor, M/M, Multi, Prompt Fic, Superfamily, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-28
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fremen_wali/pseuds/fremen_wali
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I got this anon prompt on Tumblr: "Spideypool/Superhusbands prompt: Steve and Tony ground Peter from seeing Wade after they sneaking out. Peter is on lockdown but Wade finds a way in anyway and Tony and /or Steve catch them in the act ;) what act and how far it up to you"</p><p> and this happened. Sorry I'm not sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taco Sauce is NOT a Lubricant

A suit. He was wearing a suit and bow-tie. Tony stared, one hand holding the slightly open bedroom door, at the man in front of him in a red and black mask offered his hand to Peter as they both climbed out the window.

“What the hell is going on here?” Tony exclaimed, stepping into the room and crossing his arms over his chest. Both his son and the mercenary hanging half out of the window froze for a moment, staring back at Tony before Wade’s mask smoothed out in a grin as innocent as Wade Wilson could make. “I’m taking Peter out for a night on the town!” Wade replied happily. Behind Tony, Steve stepped into the room, equal amount of fury across his features. Peter visibly swallowed, nervous smile on his face. The pair still hadn’t moved and Tony wondered how long Wade would dangle out the window like that before he would fall.

“No, you’re not,” Steve said firmly, putting his foot down. Peter slowly pulled his hand back from Wade’s, a sour look darkening his face as he obeyed his parents. “Wade, drop.” Tony ordered, raising a challenging eyebrow at the merc as if to say ‘do you know what repulsors feel like? do you want to?’ Wade seemed to get the message, and with a flamboyant wave of his free hand towards Peter he blew him a wink and a kiss, letting go of the window’s edge and dropping from view. Peter groaned in exasperation, loudly.

“You guys take the fun out of my _life_!” he cried out dramatically, matching Tony’s crossed arms pose. He’s the teenager. He’s _perfected_ this.

Tony sputtered in response, coming forward to lean out the window, checking for splattered Deadpool below before sliding it shut and locking it with a few keystrokes on one of the endless clear tablet screens he carried with him.

“Well excuse us, Peter, if we don’t want a totally _insane_ mercenary to date our 18 year old son,” Tony snarked back, turning to face his son and Steve, looking for backup. Steve at least was able to remain calm, saying carefully, “Peter, I think it’d be best if you and he didn’t see each other. You’re grounded, son. You will only leave this room for school and nothing else, understood?” Peter lowered his chin a little. Oh crap, Cap’s got his Army voice on. “Fine,” Peter ground out sullenly. “Can I be alone now, then?”

\- - - - - - - - - -

After the third hour, Peter decided to at least get some homework done. Five pages of AP Bio-chem problems later and he was throwing wads of paper into the air, webbing them to the wall before it could fall. In between a _fwip_ and _thwack_ , he heard a noise and stopped, looking up, eyebrows narrowed. No Spidey-sense tingling, but he felt like the back of his neck was, like he was being watched.

He heard it again. It sounded surprisingly like a “Pssst, Petey!”

“Wade?” he tested, uncertain. Who else would it be though, he thought, spinning in his desk chair to look up at the vent grate in his room. A pair of eyes hidden under a red and black mask peered back at him and suddenly Wade’s fist came up in a thumbs-up, the other hand holding a 12 count box of Taco Bell tacos (product plug!).

“Shhh, nobody knows I’m here!” Wade stage-whispered proudly. Peter snorted, coming up to stand under the grate. “JARVIS knows you’re there.”

“No he doesn’t!” Wade insisted.

JARVIS’s cool British voice surprised them both. “Yes, I do. Peter, would you mind informing Mister Wilson that my ventilation system is not the ideal place to bring sustenance?”

JARVIS was a bit of a neat freak. Peter grinned, watching as Wade unscrewed the vent grate and began to wriggle out, falling gracefully to the floor, tacos unharmed. “Yes, if you’ll do me the favor of a little privacy?” Peter asked JARVIS hopefully. “I was never here, sir,” came the reply and the small noise that meant the AI had left.

“Hey baby boy!” Wade said as soon as he’d stood up, brushing the dust from his red and black uniform, previous suit obviously discarded, probably in the Taco Bell dumpster. “I thought since we couldn’t go out, I’d bring the party to you!” Peter eyed the food with a small smile. Sometimes, the simple and kind gestures were the best things about Wade. And the fact that he made it all the way back without eating the food showed he probably felt more for Peter than previously imagined. Peter pulled him in for a light kiss. “Thanks, Wade.”

Wade smiled and brought his hand up behind Peter as if to hold him, then in one swift move had pulled Peter’s t-shirt off by the collar and pushed him lightly onto Peter’s bed, where he landed with a light thump. “What are you doing?” Peter asked, amused and more than a little bewildered. “We’re gonna have sexy-times,” Wade decided matter-of-factly, eyeing Peter like he were his shirtless prey. Peter huffed laughter and patted the bed beside him.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Tony Stark did not snoop and he certainly did not eavesdrop, but there were two parts to this: he _had_ felt bad about getting angry with Peter, but he _also_ didn’t trust Deadpool as far as he could throw him so here he was, outside his son’s room, about to knock when he heard the bed frame creak and Peter say threateningly, “Don’t let that get on my bed, Wade!” He cursed ever giving Peter allowance to dismiss JARVIS who was _programmed_ to tell him about things like this, dammit and had the door open in seconds, immediately wishing that maybe he shouldn’t have.

Wade froze, mask rolled up to reveal his mouth, white packet clenched between his teeth. His arms were poised above his head where he was ripping open another packet of something. Peter was lying on his back, jeans unbuttoned and open, shirtless, between Wade’s thighs. There was a line of.. _was that ground beef and cheese on his abs?_

Tony felt Steve come up behind him, peering over his shoulder at the scene in their son’s room. Steve stiffened, horrified. Tony could do little else but press a hand to his face, wishing that he’d gone ahead and invented literal brain bleach because nothing was going to take away the sight of Wade Wilson eating a taco off of Peter’s body.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me this wouldn't happen though.


End file.
